4 years ago today

22 FEB 2013 - I separated from the US Army and began the process of becoming a lazy fucking civilian productive member of society in the conventional sense instead of as a trigger puller. I maintain that my time in service was one of the best things that ever happened to me - I made some lifelong homies, got to jump out of planes and blow shit up, and had the opportunity to travel to a very strange and beautiful part of the world, meet interesting people from a fascinating ancient culture, and exchange gunfire with them. Pretty much an ideal enlistment for an infantry dude.

Since then, I've nearly completed a degree in a major that greatly interests me and provides real job opportunities, which is something. I've made a lot of new friends that have become family (ya fucking weirdos), continued to develop friendships I've had for a decade or more (ya fucking weirdos), and excised the toxic and useless people from my life (cunts). I've got the best dog, a great family, a beautiful house, and a bunch of cool shit that I don't need but certainly enjoy.

No, I'm not going to say what everyone thinks I'm gonna say, because I'm a rabid atheist and I'm trying to minimize my hypocrisy when given the option. I am not #blessed. I am lucky as fuck, and there is no way around that except to confront it, own it, and be grateful for it, because there's no human quality I loathe more than entitlement.

So to everyone who has been helpful and supportive of me, been a friend to me when I need it, and continues to put up with my incessant bullshit, you have my undying gratitude. I won't lie - Hans (my dog) is the real reason I get up every morning, but you people make life way more fucking tolerable on a daily basis.

Much love, you animals.

Have an airborne day.

The Five Percent

There's one in every group.

There's always that asshole that starts shit for no reason, the guy you don't want to take to the bars. The guy that gets in trouble. He's the guy that ruins the night.

I started thinking about this the other day, when I was needlessly harassed for riding a sport bike by a couple of dudes on Harleys. I let it go because a: I'm an adult, and b: it's easier to just drown them out with the exhaust note from my Yoshimura RS5 exhaust, which I did. My first response, of course, was "fucking Harley riding dickheads, they're all the same." Fueled by anger and adrenaline, that was what crossed my mind.

Riding home, I had ample time to rethink my position, and as usual, I conducted an internal debrief. I have a lot of friends with Harleys, and though we playfully talk shit to each other, we all understand that the point is to get out there and ride, have fun, and hit the twisties, while keeping the rubber side to the ground. Common ground on two wheels.

My estimate (based on purely my own observations) is that 95% of Harley riders, give or take, are just your average dude out for a ride on a motorcycle. I'm not talking about the so-called "one percenters" here, the various criminal enterprises that choose bikes for transportation, so disregard them for now. Once that number popped into my head, it stuck with me for awhile, and I finally figured out why - it's not 5% of people on hogs that are douchebags, it's 5% of people in every walk of life. Think about the following groups:

Motorcyclists/bikers. Road bikers. Guys with diesel trucks, ladies driving a Prius, 'pit bull' owners, fitness nuts... you name it, unfailingly, about 1 in 20 of those people is seemingly incapable of dealing with humanity in a civilized way. I'm not saying that every other one of those people is a saint, however, most at least keep their bullshit to themselves 99% of the time. And then there is that one guy, the loud mouth, the proverbial Reason We Can't Have Nice Things.

No one likes that guy.

Don't be that guy.

Windshield Banners

I noticed something today that many of you will find trivial. However, most of you gearheads out there will either relate to this or curse me for it, so that is relevant enough for me to comment. Today is another unseasonably warm day, so everyone (including me) has their bikes or hot rods out and washed. I picked the 'vette today.

Have you ever noticed that every "factory aftermarket" Mustang has one of those big, douchey windshield banners - ROUSH or SALEEN or what have you? I see a lot of CAMARO, FORD, and giant Chevy bowties as well, usually on semi shitty 80s and 90 muscle cars or lowered trucks. What you don't see is CORVETTE ZO6, FERRARI 599, 911TURBO... see what I'm getting at here?

You know how I know the guy in the Z06 or the Porsche owns a Z06 or a Porsche? He's fucking driving one! Mind = blown. This therefore leads me to the conclusion that our friend in the Roush feels the need to differentiate himself from the rest of the Mustang crowd... further following this train of thought, he understands that the basic car his is built on is such a screaming shit heap, and so unworthy of respect, that even he is embarrassed to be associated with them. Thus, he puts a giant dickhead windshield banner on the thing to advertise "Look! I'm not like the rest of those twats in Mustangs, mine is different!"

Yeah, whatever guy, you can supercharge a piece of shit and what do you get? A supercharged piece of shit.

Fuck Mustangs, get money.

Oh, and fuck basically everyone in a new Camaro that isn't a ZL1 or a Z/28. Don't wave at me, we're not buddies just because we share a motor. And your giant Camaro banner makes you look like a snatch napkin.

With love,

Jack